That old saying, about how when one door closes, another one opens?
something like that?
yeah, it works both ways.
one door opens, another closes.
With this whole spring springing thing going on, the temperature changes keep reminding me of high-school moments. Like how certain smells remind you of ex-girlfriends and childhood revelations. This current temperature reminds me of sneaking out just to lay on my trampoline and look at the stars. Rebel with a mundane cause.
relax to this. it's spring.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Shut up.
You ever get one of those moments when something so socially accepted and apparently simple just baffles you, just for a second, and you kind of forget where our current era lies in terms of technological advancement and nonplussing norms, and how whatever it is that you're seeing is nothing to be revered or even acknowledged, and you get that feeling that prisoners got when paroled after a 40 year stint in the 'joint' and saw an automobile infested Manhattan for the first time?
Yeah.
Well.
i had that tonight.
Watching this waitress pour us more coffee without provocation, happy to do so, and seeing my friend naturally add the cream, casually sugar it up, and stir the steamy white cup so unassumingly, it was like i'd never seen it before. How did he know to do that? Where did this coffee come from? The cream? The sugar? How old was it? What made the waitress smile when pouring it? What the fuck kind of utopia is this?
i didn't sleep too well last night.
And i burnt my tongue today.
But... breaking down our filters, having those fleeting seconds of forced forgetting, seeing this city, this current state of being with a fresh pair of eyes, well fuck dude. It's mind boggling.
It used to happen when under the influence of various psychotropic substances, hallucination induced revelations and chemical fueled gratitude, but with those days long behind me, i can still kind of see what it was that blew my mind.
Cell phones and ethernet cables, this is all science non-fiction we're living.
You bear this in mind and those sky-scrapers cease to be office buildings and high-end apartments, but become steel pillars of man's evolution from that first single cell of life.
We used to be little globs of life, dodging predatory bacteriophages and banking on mitosis for our future generations, no thoughts, no big goals, nothing, really. Now we dodge pedestrians caught in their blue-tooth importance and bar hopping friday nighters. We bank on that next loan, the good grade, the hopes that someday we'll leave our own sky-scraper behind so some future suit and tie can see that, yeah, this guy wasn't just another anaerobic organism, this guy meant something. So i try not to bank so much on meaningless mitosis, and dwell more on the thoughts my ancestral amoebas lacked, and try to avoid that nothingness as much as possible.
'Cause at the end of the day, that friend Barry, he wasn't just making his coffee as appeasing as possible, he was celebrating a few million years of evolution. A burnt tongue is a small price to pay for such things.
Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up i'm Dreaming
Yeah.
Well.
i had that tonight.
Watching this waitress pour us more coffee without provocation, happy to do so, and seeing my friend naturally add the cream, casually sugar it up, and stir the steamy white cup so unassumingly, it was like i'd never seen it before. How did he know to do that? Where did this coffee come from? The cream? The sugar? How old was it? What made the waitress smile when pouring it? What the fuck kind of utopia is this?
i didn't sleep too well last night.
And i burnt my tongue today.
But... breaking down our filters, having those fleeting seconds of forced forgetting, seeing this city, this current state of being with a fresh pair of eyes, well fuck dude. It's mind boggling.
It used to happen when under the influence of various psychotropic substances, hallucination induced revelations and chemical fueled gratitude, but with those days long behind me, i can still kind of see what it was that blew my mind.
Cell phones and ethernet cables, this is all science non-fiction we're living.
You bear this in mind and those sky-scrapers cease to be office buildings and high-end apartments, but become steel pillars of man's evolution from that first single cell of life.
We used to be little globs of life, dodging predatory bacteriophages and banking on mitosis for our future generations, no thoughts, no big goals, nothing, really. Now we dodge pedestrians caught in their blue-tooth importance and bar hopping friday nighters. We bank on that next loan, the good grade, the hopes that someday we'll leave our own sky-scraper behind so some future suit and tie can see that, yeah, this guy wasn't just another anaerobic organism, this guy meant something. So i try not to bank so much on meaningless mitosis, and dwell more on the thoughts my ancestral amoebas lacked, and try to avoid that nothingness as much as possible.
'Cause at the end of the day, that friend Barry, he wasn't just making his coffee as appeasing as possible, he was celebrating a few million years of evolution. A burnt tongue is a small price to pay for such things.
Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up i'm Dreaming
Friday, March 19, 2010
'Troubles Will Be Gone': Musings...
There's this strange kind of depression that hits me sometimes, which you may or may not be familiar with - assuming there is a you, that is to say, assuming anyone reads this drivel. But this depression, it's that kind of sadness that shows up unannounced, with no valid invitation, and sticks around for an inordinately protracted period of time, inexplicably lingering without reason.
Yeah. i'm kind of in that right now.
It's the kind of thing where an honest life appraisal will ultimately lead to that thought of, 'Well, nothing's really wrong.' which leads to 'So what's with this feeling like shit all the time?' and therein lies the mystery. And you don't have much too feel down about, which then leads to this added guilt and sense of down-and-outness for being sad over nothing and staying sad over even less. So yeah. Fuck this.
The lurking suspicion that this is seeming far too similar to an 8th grade Livejournal entry is probably rearing its pouting head in your mind right now, so here's the beacon of hope: this is leading up to something. Something beautiful, not of my creation.
About two weeks ago, maybe a little before, i got the newest LP from Swedish folk god The Tallest Man On Earth, called 'The Wild Hunt' after its first track. i eeped aloud when i saw it online, eeped again when it was downloaded, and eeped a final time when i popped in the headphones on my walk to class later that morning. It was one of the first nice days in a while, almost T-Shirt weather - almost - and the sun warranted sunglasses and gloveless hands, and i smiled big. Big. Like, real big. So i'm halfway to class, halfway through the second track on this LP, and i start tearing up. Granted, i had slept very little, but still, that's a fuckin' big deal. Public tearyness. And this wasn't your 8th grade 'too much Dashboard Confessional and not enough pretty girl hand holding' tearyness, this was pure, organic, 'man shit's pretty beautiful right now' tearyness. The best kind.
'Cause look, there's a million things in the world that can cause those woe-woe-woe tears. Death, Break-ups, family drama, etc. (all of which occurred over the course of the last two weeks in quite rapid succession). But it takes some honest effort, someone with their finger on the pulse of what's really going on in this charade of the living, to know how to get those sunny day tears out. And Kristian Mattsson (ie- The Tallest Man...), you've found the pulse.
So these next two weeks get that sweet sweet tumultuous drama going on, all this 'holy shit what happened' drama, which culminated in me watching my sister's pet kitten die in my and my mom's arms this past Tuesday (mind you, i hate cats, but i loved this fucking thing). And this whole time, my mind is reeling, down and out and mesmerized at how sane i still was. The whole thing just turned into a movie, that's the easiest way to put it, very cinematic and poetic, and behind it all was the soundtrack of this album. i'll spare you (once again, if you exist) the details, but suffice to say, this current state of sad has backing. Or it did. But still, that sense of guilt is there, that idea that it's not as bad as i feel it is, and that gut melting feeling that i shouldn't feel this bad. So fuck. That's me. That's where i'm at.
But this album, this Wild Hunt, it's been played in its entirety on my computer/i-pod/stereo at least once everyday since the morning i got it, and every time, there's a new little realization of how truly wonderful it is. Currently, i'm feeling like track 4, "You're Going Back", and i've been this track for the last few days. Before that i was totally and completely track 10, "Kids On The Run". And every now and then i find myself in a reprieve, a brief moment of fleeting content, and those are the "Burden Of Tomorrow" and "Love Is All" times. And man oh man oh man, those times are fucking sweet.
So grab this, listen, love, and hope that someday we'll all be able to see things a little more like this screechy scratchy Swede...
The Wild Hunt - March 2010 Original Soundtrack...
(That's him on stage)
(That's me in the hat)
Yeah. i'm kind of in that right now.
It's the kind of thing where an honest life appraisal will ultimately lead to that thought of, 'Well, nothing's really wrong.' which leads to 'So what's with this feeling like shit all the time?' and therein lies the mystery. And you don't have much too feel down about, which then leads to this added guilt and sense of down-and-outness for being sad over nothing and staying sad over even less. So yeah. Fuck this.
The lurking suspicion that this is seeming far too similar to an 8th grade Livejournal entry is probably rearing its pouting head in your mind right now, so here's the beacon of hope: this is leading up to something. Something beautiful, not of my creation.
About two weeks ago, maybe a little before, i got the newest LP from Swedish folk god The Tallest Man On Earth, called 'The Wild Hunt' after its first track. i eeped aloud when i saw it online, eeped again when it was downloaded, and eeped a final time when i popped in the headphones on my walk to class later that morning. It was one of the first nice days in a while, almost T-Shirt weather - almost - and the sun warranted sunglasses and gloveless hands, and i smiled big. Big. Like, real big. So i'm halfway to class, halfway through the second track on this LP, and i start tearing up. Granted, i had slept very little, but still, that's a fuckin' big deal. Public tearyness. And this wasn't your 8th grade 'too much Dashboard Confessional and not enough pretty girl hand holding' tearyness, this was pure, organic, 'man shit's pretty beautiful right now' tearyness. The best kind.
'Cause look, there's a million things in the world that can cause those woe-woe-woe tears. Death, Break-ups, family drama, etc. (all of which occurred over the course of the last two weeks in quite rapid succession). But it takes some honest effort, someone with their finger on the pulse of what's really going on in this charade of the living, to know how to get those sunny day tears out. And Kristian Mattsson (ie- The Tallest Man...), you've found the pulse.
So these next two weeks get that sweet sweet tumultuous drama going on, all this 'holy shit what happened' drama, which culminated in me watching my sister's pet kitten die in my and my mom's arms this past Tuesday (mind you, i hate cats, but i loved this fucking thing). And this whole time, my mind is reeling, down and out and mesmerized at how sane i still was. The whole thing just turned into a movie, that's the easiest way to put it, very cinematic and poetic, and behind it all was the soundtrack of this album. i'll spare you (once again, if you exist) the details, but suffice to say, this current state of sad has backing. Or it did. But still, that sense of guilt is there, that idea that it's not as bad as i feel it is, and that gut melting feeling that i shouldn't feel this bad. So fuck. That's me. That's where i'm at.
But this album, this Wild Hunt, it's been played in its entirety on my computer/i-pod/stereo at least once everyday since the morning i got it, and every time, there's a new little realization of how truly wonderful it is. Currently, i'm feeling like track 4, "You're Going Back", and i've been this track for the last few days. Before that i was totally and completely track 10, "Kids On The Run". And every now and then i find myself in a reprieve, a brief moment of fleeting content, and those are the "Burden Of Tomorrow" and "Love Is All" times. And man oh man oh man, those times are fucking sweet.
So grab this, listen, love, and hope that someday we'll all be able to see things a little more like this screechy scratchy Swede...
The Wild Hunt - March 2010 Original Soundtrack...
(That's him on stage)
(That's me in the hat)
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